Pocket-Sized

isn’t it also funny how after starring in the x-men movie people have been calling fan bing bing a ‘new’ and ‘upcoming’ star when she’s one of the most well-known and wealthiest celebrities in china like she has literally topped forbes china’s celebrity 100 two years in a row and has been in the top ten for nine consecutive years.. her career started in the 90s lol she even has her own studio and has produced her own shows 👀🔍 but hey i guess careers elsewhere don’t count as long as you’re a fresh face to hollywood

nezua:

Fan Bing Bing is the least of it. If the USA acknowledged China’s history, it would have to give up claiming it invented half of what it claims.

notfuckingcishet:

lindseywalnut:

utterlyfubar:

rcmclachlan:

doodlyood:

spinachandrice:

theonewholovesbooks:

thatfilthyanimal:

fawnthefeminist:

Young women are having difficulty accessing tubal ligation, despite it being a relatively safe (death rate is 1-2 per 100,000) and elective surgery.

There is a waiting period of 30 days for women seeking tubal ligation, yet no waiting period for men seeking vasectomies. 
(Source)


Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions (“What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?”), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, ”just because I was a woman, I’d reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought.” (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman’s 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)
(Source)


Say that at 18 I slap down enough money so I could have my whole body covered head-to-toe in tattoos, piercings all over myself, a mountain of cigarettes, plastic surgery, and plan to have like 20 babies… but if I try at all to safely make it impossible for me to breed for the sake of my health suddenly its like WOAH THERE SLOW DOWN MISSY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF COMMITMENT YET

I have stage III Endometriosis, which means I have to get my uterus removed because I literally have terrible cramps ALL THE TIME and not just when I’m on my period. Now, I’ve always said I don’t want any children for personal reasons and I don’t need my uterus, really. I am not worried about that surgery and I don’t feel any kind of nostalgia over an organ I won’t ever use. 
The thing is, my doctor is a ‘man’. This ‘man’ told me I had to get pregnant right now before it’s too late. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and explained the multiple reasons but what, do you ask, did my doctor have to say about this? 'Well, better have a kid now because just imagine how depressing it must be being a thirty-something woman without children and a husband?'
I was diagnosed a year ago. I should have gone through surgery six months ago and I still can’t find a doctor that will perform the surgery without trying to force me to have children first. Basically, if you’re a woman you don’t have a say in what can and cannot be done to your body without a shitload of people getting in the way AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Women are getting non-consensually sterilized in prison but no doctors in my area while tie my tubes at 24 because I might regret it? Fuck you, doctors. I have more purpose in life than dropping babies. Some of those women in prison are probably great moms and I have no interest in parenting. Let us have a say!

A dear friend of mine wanted to have her tubes tied.  She was about to give birth to twins and the doctors wouldn’t consent because she wasn’t 21 yet.  She had already had children and they still refused to let her have the procedure.

My friend got a vasectomy a week after asking his doctor for one, no problem. He was 25.
Me? I’ve asked 4 different doctors for some kind of permanent sterilisation—tubal ligation or Essure or whatever—and I get a pat on the head and a “You’d regret it if you did.”
Oh, DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD A DIRECT LINE TO MY BRAIN.

On the flip side, as a vagina-having person who had her tubes tied at the age of 26 (after having 4 children, however):
MY HUSBAND HAD TO SIGN A CONSENT FORM IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE THE PROCEDURE DONE.
How many times have we heard stories about husbands having vasectomies behind their wives backs and never telling them, letting those wives wallow in guilt and misery, thinking it’s their fault that they can’t get pregnant?
And yet I had had to get my husband’s permission to have my tubes tied.
(Obviously this was a decision we’d talked about extensively beforehand, so it’s not like he was about to say no, but we both couldn’t believe the fucking audacity of the hospital, asking HIS permission for ME to do something with MY body.  In fact, he said as much to the nurse that brought in the forms.)

This is fucked up. Your body is no one’s business but your own. Even if there’s no law against young sterilization, women still suffer just from societal expectations, which influence doctors who are unable to be objective. People think they’re being caring but are actually just afraid of anything that goes outside of their preconceived notions of what people should do with their lives. 

People in prison, disabled people and transgender people are getting sterilized against their will or pressured into sterilization, more so if they are people of colour. 
White able-bodied cis women are having a lot of trouble getting their tubes tied and are pressured to have kids. 
This is nothing short of what facist ‘selective breeding programmes’ look like in a ‘democracy’. 

notfuckingcishet:

lindseywalnut:

utterlyfubar:

rcmclachlan:

doodlyood:

spinachandrice:

theonewholovesbooks:

thatfilthyanimal:

fawnthefeminist:

Young women are having difficulty accessing tubal ligation, despite it being a relatively safe (death rate is 1-2 per 100,000) and elective surgery.

There is a waiting period of 30 days for women seeking tubal ligation, yet no waiting period for men seeking vasectomies. 

(Source)

Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions (“What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?”), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, ”just because I was a woman, I’d reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought.” (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman’s 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)

(Source)

Say that at 18 I slap down enough money so I could have my whole body covered head-to-toe in tattoos, piercings all over myself, a mountain of cigarettes, plastic surgery, and plan to have like 20 babies… but if I try at all to safely make it impossible for me to breed for the sake of my health suddenly its like WOAH THERE SLOW DOWN MISSY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF COMMITMENT YET

I have stage III Endometriosis, which means I have to get my uterus removed because I literally have terrible cramps ALL THE TIME and not just when I’m on my period. Now, I’ve always said I don’t want any children for personal reasons and I don’t need my uterus, really. I am not worried about that surgery and I don’t feel any kind of nostalgia over an organ I won’t ever use. 

The thing is, my doctor is a ‘man’. This ‘man’ told me I had to get pregnant right now before it’s too late. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and explained the multiple reasons but what, do you ask, did my doctor have to say about this? 'Well, better have a kid now because just imagine how depressing it must be being a thirty-something woman without children and a husband?'

I was diagnosed a year ago. I should have gone through surgery six months ago and I still can’t find a doctor that will perform the surgery without trying to force me to have children first. Basically, if you’re a woman you don’t have a say in what can and cannot be done to your body without a shitload of people getting in the way AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Women are getting non-consensually sterilized in prison but no doctors in my area while tie my tubes at 24 because I might regret it? Fuck you, doctors. I have more purpose in life than dropping babies. Some of those women in prison are probably great moms and I have no interest in parenting. Let us have a say!

A dear friend of mine wanted to have her tubes tied.  She was about to give birth to twins and the doctors wouldn’t consent because she wasn’t 21 yet.  She had already had children and they still refused to let her have the procedure.

My friend got a vasectomy a week after asking his doctor for one, no problem. He was 25.

Me? I’ve asked 4 different doctors for some kind of permanent sterilisation—tubal ligation or Essure or whatever—and I get a pat on the head and a “You’d regret it if you did.”

Oh, DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD A DIRECT LINE TO MY BRAIN.

On the flip side, as a vagina-having person who had her tubes tied at the age of 26 (after having 4 children, however):

MY HUSBAND HAD TO SIGN A CONSENT FORM IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE THE PROCEDURE DONE.

How many times have we heard stories about husbands having vasectomies behind their wives backs and never telling them, letting those wives wallow in guilt and misery, thinking it’s their fault that they can’t get pregnant?

And yet I had had to get my husband’s permission to have my tubes tied.

(Obviously this was a decision we’d talked about extensively beforehand, so it’s not like he was about to say no, but we both couldn’t believe the fucking audacity of the hospital, asking HIS permission for ME to do something with MY body.  In fact, he said as much to the nurse that brought in the forms.)

This is fucked up. Your body is no one’s business but your own. Even if there’s no law against young sterilization, women still suffer just from societal expectations, which influence doctors who are unable to be objective. People think they’re being caring but are actually just afraid of anything that goes outside of their preconceived notions of what people should do with their lives. 

People in prison, disabled people and transgender people are getting sterilized against their will or pressured into sterilization, more so if they are people of colour. 

White able-bodied cis women are having a lot of trouble getting their tubes tied and are pressured to have kids. 

This is nothing short of what facist ‘selective breeding programmes’ look like in a ‘democracy’. 

squareroot-1 asked: Your comment on the sex work post was incredibly informative-about-the-world (because I had never known about/thought of those kinds of reasons for having sex) and thought-material/new way of looking at things (including about work in general) for me. So, thank you for writing that!

You’re welcome! I’m glad that it was thought-provoking for you. :)

bravosonya asked: jesus christ. daddysreviews. com/cruise/newest/josh_swan_nyc this is my old escort review page. think again before speaking on something you know nothing about. yes, capitalism exploits all workers, and I whole-heartedly support sexual liberation. BUT I believe people shouldn't be put in positions where they have to choose between unwanted sex and poverty. WORK shouldn't give people PTSD.

Sure, we’re in total agreement on that. I don’t think that’s a change to my perspective though…? It sounds like we’re on the same page, except I’m not going around calling women “vapid ignoramuses” for not using the same political language I’m using.

patrickat:

notunwise:

actualmenacebuckybarnes:

commandersass:

I heard something about RomComs
And yeah that sums up the movie pretty well

70 years on ice can really cool a man’s libido. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) spends his days both dodging bullets as a superpowered superspy, and dodging the matchmaking activities of his partner, Natasha Romanov (Scarlett Johansson), who seems hell-bent on finding him a date! Sparks fly when Steve meets Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie), a hunky veteran and social worker with a heart of gold. Will true love win out? Or will it be shot down in a spray of bullets from Steve’s back-from-the-dead assassin ex-boyfriend (Sebastian Stan)?
This summer … everybody’s gonna get a little Freezer Burn. 

Legit.

Totes legit.  Freezer Burn was the code name while they were filming.

:D

patrickat:

notunwise:

actualmenacebuckybarnes:

commandersass:

I heard something about RomComs

And yeah that sums up the movie pretty well

70 years on ice can really cool a man’s libido. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) spends his days both dodging bullets as a superpowered superspy, and dodging the matchmaking activities of his partner, Natasha Romanov (Scarlett Johansson), who seems hell-bent on finding him a date! Sparks fly when Steve meets Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie), a hunky veteran and social worker with a heart of gold. Will true love win out? Or will it be shot down in a spray of bullets from Steve’s back-from-the-dead assassin ex-boyfriend (Sebastian Stan)?

This summer … everybody’s gonna get a little Freezer Burn.

Legit.

Totes legit.  Freezer Burn was the code name while they were filming.

:D

sexioto:

tumblrs message system is a bit like messenger pigeons only they’re chickens and you just kind of throw them in the direction of the recipient and hope they find their way

thebrightobvious:

unquietpirate:

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

Okay, I’m gonna try to make this quick because I need to get to work. But I feel like I also need to talk about this somewhere.

So. I have this friend who’s about to turn 13. She’s my ex’s kid; I don’t make a habit of going around friending 13 year olds. (Not that there’s anything wrong with…

I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but I this brought back a lot of personal memories for me and I felt like I needed to respond. TW for discussion of depression, mental illness, suicide, ableism, adultism, and possibly child abuse below the cut.

Read More

I apologize if I misunderstood your intentions by reading this from such an emotional and personal perspective. I think the conclusion you came to at the end sounds like a good way to approach the situation. It might not seem like much, but I do think that even just letting her know that you are there for her and that you respect her privacy can be a lot more helpful than it might feel like. Even if she doesn’t want to talk to you about it now, or even if she never does, just knowing that you are there should she ever need to can mean a lot. And being shown respect in a world that doesn’t respect teens, or women, or people dealing with depression can be really helpful in showing her that she is worthy of respect. These things might not seem like a lot because they’re not an immediate fix or solution to her problems, but it is helpful and it is something you can do, it’s not useless.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond positively even if your first reaction was negative and I misinterpreted some of what you wrote. It’s nice to run into people who are actually willing to try and have productive discussions about things that can be difficult or emotional. It’s a shame that it tends to be so hard because those are some of the most important discussions to have.

* nods nods *

It’s a tough thing to think and talk about. But you’re right that talking about things helps, even if it doesn’t lead to a perfect solution right away.

I’m particularly bad about that. I just want to save everybody and fix everything. And I know I can’t and that, even if I could, that’s not what most people need or want. But I’m hoping that she and I will be a part of each others’ lives for a long time, so I guess I don’t have to figure everything out right now. I’ll just keep trying.

Aw. You can’t wholly fix things for her, and you shouldn’t try. But being part of her life in a loving way will naturally help her, even if it doesn’t seem to be “working” the way you think it ought to. This is partly oppression culture’s fault, you know - it teaches you only abusive ways to relate to children, and then to blame yourself when you want to relate to the children you love respectfully but don’t know how.

:(

thebrightobvious:

unquietpirate:

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

Okay, I’m gonna try to make this quick because I need to get to work. But I feel like I also need to talk about this somewhere.

So. I have this friend who’s about to turn 13. She’s my ex’s kid; I don’t make a habit of going around friending 13 year olds. (Not that there’s anything wrong with…

I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but I this brought back a lot of personal memories for me and I felt like I needed to respond. TW for discussion of depression, mental illness, suicide, ableism, adultism, and possibly child abuse below the cut.

Read More

I’m tired and headachey, but it seems to me that more important than the one “intervention” you may or may not make regarding your friend’s mental health is continuous, subtle “checking in” on her. i.e. paying attention to her and being loving towards her. Most children crave adult attention. Teenagers are more picky about when and how they want that attention, but they still want it. I’m pretty sure you know better how to do that both in general and for your friend than I do, of course. I would try to figure out which mixture of the 5 love languages she finds most reinforcing, but that’s only a starting point.

One possible thing you might mention to her, if you overtly tell her you’re concerned about her, is that when *you* were a child, you also felt depressed and anxious and suicidal and you felt comfortable discussing it only with strangers on the internet. But shows of vulnerability by trusted adults can either show respect for the child or be extremely abusive burdens of emotion on her, depending on the context, so that’s your call.

The child/adult dichotomy is real in that adults have real power over children, but in terms of Umwelt/thinking processes/”inner life” the dichotomy isn’t real. Children are capable of grasping difficult intellectual concepts while still needing to be reminded to brush their teeth. But it’s not like adults are really that good at dealing with their emotions, either. If they were, oppression culture wouldn’t exist.

I lost the thread of my thought. Good luck with your friend.

This is good advice. Thank you.

And I hear you about the shows of vulnerability = respect vs. abusive burden issue. That’s something I think about a lot ‘cause of my own experience with my mom. I remember her once sending me a letter where she tried to argue that she’d treated me the way she had because of some parenting pedagogy from the Sixties about being emotionally transparent with your children, and I was just like, “No. Fuck you. That shit was abuse.”

Anyway. Yeah. Thx again. <3 And, speaking as an adult, sometimes we also need to be reminded to brush our teeth. :)

Sex Workers Are Not Being “Paid for Sex” - A Rant

leighalanna:

iamjalisaelite:

bukkakewaifu:

bravosonya:

bukkakewaifu:

saturdaymorning:

saturdaymorning:

leighalanna:

saturdaymorning:

If you are pro-porn, pro-BDSM, pro-sex work, please unfollow me (unless you are open to changing your ideas about these things).

All of these industries are abuse/violence against women.

it’s so nice to see civilians caring about…

I will never ever ever support the sex work industry because women are abused/harmed in it. If you wouldn’t have sex with these men for free, you shouldn’t have to have sex with them for money (I understand “have to” is a bad way to put it but you get the idea). If you’re doing something for money that you would absolutely never ever ever do for free (esp in relation to sex) that’s coercion. Maybe you’re happy with that. But I can’t be happy with the fact that women are used for sex. Maybe in your case, it’s fine but I’ve actually read quite a bit about how horrific some sex workers are treated. Also people who are “actually” in the industry are traffickers and women who are trafficked. I can’t support an industry for that. If there is demand, people will create supply (aka prostitutes).That’s why I made this post in the first place.

thats the worst argument ive ever heard
you know a chef wouldn’t spend 8 hours a day cooking for people unless it was their job. a hairdresser wouldn’t cut my hair unless i was paying her to. do you think when i get my feet massaged, the person actively wants to do it. thats literally how a job works.
the sex industry is one of the oldest and it will always be here
and the fact that you’re speaking over sexworkers right now only shows that you dont actually care about us
your opinions are bad and you should bad

oh and fyi i have loads of  i would definitely sleep with if i met them on the street. some of my clients are guys i would have been too shy to approach on the street because theyre gorgeous, smart, funny etc. obviously not all of them are that way, but just like in any other job, you dont have to absolutely love your client to perform your job.

Of course a chef wouldn’t work for free in our society you vapid ignoramus. We live in a fundamentally exploitative society where workers are reduced to wage-slavery in order to just survive under capitalism. Sex work is an evil necessitated by exploitation and the intrinsic failure of capitalism to meet the needs of the masses despite eliminating scarcity of resources. Sex work unto itself produces nothing of material value and is merely direct commodification of the human body. Also, there are plenty of people who would work for free if all their needs were met simply because they know it is the right thing to do. Message me off-anon if you want to go at it. I’d be happy to give you a new perspective.    

ive never heard anything so stereotypically pseudo-intellectual white anarchist in my life

lol laughing at these ignorant fucks so hard

ii feel like this is partially my fault, and i am so proud. Sex workers are fucking amazing and brilliant.

Did this person seriously claim to be concerned about sex-workers and then call someone actually talking about their sex work experience a “vapid ignoramus”? Seriously?

Also, yes, capitalism is fundamentally exploitative of all workers, so why single out sex workers, specifically, as being “harmed and abused”?

I’ll be honest, I’ve never been a sex worker nor a client of a sex worker, so I may not know what the hell I’m talking about — but even as a total sex-work neophyte, I find the idea that sex work “is merely direct commodification of the human body” patently laughable. Has this person never had sex in their life? Do they really believe that what’s being sold in sex work is bodies? That’s like suggesting that massage therapists are “merely” selling the commodification of their hands, or that psychotherapists are selling the commodification of their words.

Sex work, as I understand it, is like the ultimate service industry job. Something is being commodified here, sure, ‘cause capitalism. But don’t trivialize the hard work sex workers do by suggesting that all their profession consists of is lying there being a body.

Also, finally, yes there are plenty of people who would work “for free” in a society where acquiring money to buy food etc. was a non-issue. One of the worst things about capitalism is how it gets in the way of people being able to do meaningful work we care about because we have to spend so much time chasing dollars to survive.

But it’s naive to imagine that in this ideal dollar-less society where everybody’s free to do the work they care about, none of those people would choose to do sex work. Again, I’m not a sex worker, so I may be wrong about this — but my sense is that it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of sex work to believe that all that differentiates sex work from non-sexwork sex is the fact that money is changing hands. I mean, maybe clients want to believe that, and maybe this dude bravosonya needs to believe, too, for some reason, that sex workers are just accepting money to do whatever they’d ideally be doing in the bedroom with their boyfriend otherwise…but that’s not what sex work is.

And, in fact, I do know people (and maybe even have been one) who have occasionally done something akin to “free sex work” — i.e. being erotically intimate with someone not because you were super into having sex with them, and not because you felt coerced into having sex with them, but because it was valuable to you for some other reason for sexytimes to happen to them and you wanted to provide that for them. The friend you sleep with because she just got her heart broken and you know sex would be comforting. The insecure friend of your younger brother’s who you help teach how to kiss. Your stressed out ex who’s freaking out about a huge exam tomorrow and you know he’d chill out if he just got laid. The newcomer folks you have sex with at the party because they’re feeling left out of the orgy and it would be polite.

Any time you’ve ever had sex with someone “as a favor” you’re operating in a realm that is more akin to “sex work” than it is “just plain sex” (or whatever)… People do that kind of shit all the time and always have. Personally, I think it’s a lovely human impulse to want to care for someone else even though they’re not doing anything comparable for us — and the idea that it’s acceptable to show care for another human by cooking them a meal, but not by giving them a handjob is prudish and ludicrous. Sex doesn’t always have to mean the same thing.

I have one friend whose policy used to be that she’d have sex with pretty much anybody who wanted to at least once, even if she wasn’t sexually interested in them, because she figured everyone deserved to enjoy sexual pleasure, and it was no skin off her nose to do it one time. She enjoyed trying to make the experience special for them. And if she didn’t like it, she just wouldn’t do it again. She ultimately did end up becoming a sex worker, I think because she figured she might as well get paid for something she was already doing anyway — but that’s my point. What she was doing already anyway wasn’t just “having sex.” Sex work is a different class of erotic activity from “having sex” — it’s a professional skill and, like other professional skills such as cooking or fixing engines or making art, it’s one that some people are internally motivated towards even in a non-coercive social context.

Let me say that more succinctly: Any situation in which people are being coerced, financially or otherwise, into sex they don’t want to have is bad. But skillfully providing erotic satisfaction to people you are not personally sexually attracted to can be intrinsically rewarding. There will be folks who want to do that in any economic system (or absence thereof.) And when folks are paid for that activity, they are being paid for sex work, they are not being “paid for sex.”

So, if what we’re really concerned about is sexual coercion, maybe we should be focusing our energy and attention on people who are actually being forced to have sex they don’t want (including sex workers who are raped) rather than people who are choosing to provide sexual services to people they might not, like, want to date.

And if what we’re concerned about is worker exploitation, then maybe we should broaden our focus to include labor trafficking in general and show as much concern for migrant children who are forced into backbreaking farm labor, or work murderous jobs in sneaker factories, etc as well as those who are exploited for sexual labor.

Message me off-anon if you want to go at it. I’d be happy to give you a new perspective.

Is that a threat, bruh? ‘Cause it sounds like you’re trying to be intimidating, but it’s failing. I’d be happy to “go at it” with you. (And I don’t mean that sexually.)

You wanna “give me a new perspective” whether I like it or not, huh? Try me.

ETA: Hm. I don’t know why I just went off on that huge rant, but something about that post just touched a nerve. Honestly, weirdly, I bet it was thinking about how much I appreciate how good my therapist is at being a therapist — and how much it pisses me off when the kind of incredibly skilled psychoemotional relationship-labor people do gets trivialized as being just a “rent-a-friend” or, in the case of sex work, a “rent-a-lover” or (ugh) “rent-a-body” or whatever.

Anyway. I have no idea what I’m talking about, so I probably sound super naive to people who actually do this for a living. But whatevs. That’s my rant.

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

Okay, I’m gonna try to make this quick because I need to get to work. But I feel like I also need to talk about this somewhere.

So. I have this friend who’s about to turn 13. She’s my ex’s kid; I don’t make a habit of going around friending 13 year olds. (Not that there’s anything wrong with…

I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but I this brought back a lot of personal memories for me and I felt like I needed to respond. TW for discussion of depression, mental illness, suicide, ableism, adultism, and possibly child abuse below the cut.

Read More

I apologize if I misunderstood your intentions by reading this from such an emotional and personal perspective. I think the conclusion you came to at the end sounds like a good way to approach the situation. It might not seem like much, but I do think that even just letting her know that you are there for her and that you respect her privacy can be a lot more helpful than it might feel like. Even if she doesn’t want to talk to you about it now, or even if she never does, just knowing that you are there should she ever need to can mean a lot. And being shown respect in a world that doesn’t respect teens, or women, or people dealing with depression can be really helpful in showing her that she is worthy of respect. These things might not seem like a lot because they’re not an immediate fix or solution to her problems, but it is helpful and it is something you can do, it’s not useless.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond positively even if your first reaction was negative and I misinterpreted some of what you wrote. It’s nice to run into people who are actually willing to try and have productive discussions about things that can be difficult or emotional. It’s a shame that it tends to be so hard because those are some of the most important discussions to have.

* nods nods *

It’s a tough thing to think and talk about. But you’re right that talking about things helps, even if it doesn’t lead to a perfect solution right away.

I’m particularly bad about that. I just want to save everybody and fix everything. And I know I can’t and that, even if I could, that’s not what most people need or want. But I’m hoping that she and I will be a part of each others’ lives for a long time, so I guess I don’t have to figure everything out right now. I’ll just keep trying.

melanijann:

unquietpirate:

Okay, I’m gonna try to make this quick because I need to get to work. But I feel like I also need to talk about this somewhere.

So. I have this friend who’s about to turn 13. She’s my ex’s kid; I don’t make a habit of going around friending 13 year olds. (Not that there’s anything wrong with…

I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but I this brought back a lot of personal memories for me and I felt like I needed to respond. TW for discussion of depression, mental illness, suicide, ableism, adultism, and possibly child abuse below the cut.

Read More »
lindseywalnut:

utterlyfubar:

rcmclachlan:

doodlyood:

spinachandrice:

theonewholovesbooks:

thatfilthyanimal:

fawnthefeminist:

Young women are having difficulty accessing tubal ligation, despite it being a relatively safe (death rate is 1-2 per 100,000) and elective surgery.

There is a waiting period of 30 days for women seeking tubal ligation, yet no waiting period for men seeking vasectomies. 
(Source)


Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions (“What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?”), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, ”just because I was a woman, I’d reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought.” (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman’s 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)
(Source)


Say that at 18 I slap down enough money so I could have my whole body covered head-to-toe in tattoos, piercings all over myself, a mountain of cigarettes, plastic surgery, and plan to have like 20 babies… but if I try at all to safely make it impossible for me to breed for the sake of my health suddenly its like WOAH THERE SLOW DOWN MISSY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF COMMITMENT YET

I have stage III Endometriosis, which means I have to get my uterus removed because I literally have terrible cramps ALL THE TIME and not just when I’m on my period. Now, I’ve always said I don’t want any children for personal reasons and I don’t need my uterus, really. I am not worried about that surgery and I don’t feel any kind of nostalgia over an organ I won’t ever use. 
The thing is, my doctor is a ‘man’. This ‘man’ told me I had to get pregnant right now before it’s too late. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and explained the multiple reasons but what, do you ask, did my doctor have to say about this? 'Well, better have a kid now because just imagine how depressing it must be being a thirty-something woman without children and a husband?'
I was diagnosed a year ago. I should have gone through surgery six months ago and I still can’t find a doctor that will perform the surgery without trying to force me to have children first. Basically, if you’re a woman you don’t have a say in what can and cannot be done to your body without a shitload of people getting in the way AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Women are getting non-consensually sterilized in prison but no doctors in my area while tie my tubes at 24 because I might regret it? Fuck you, doctors. I have more purpose in life than dropping babies. Some of those women in prison are probably great moms and I have no interest in parenting. Let us have a say!

A dear friend of mine wanted to have her tubes tied.  She was about to give birth to twins and the doctors wouldn’t consent because she wasn’t 21 yet.  She had already had children and they still refused to let her have the procedure.

My friend got a vasectomy a week after asking his doctor for one, no problem. He was 25.
Me? I’ve asked 4 different doctors for some kind of permanent sterilisation—tubal ligation or Essure or whatever—and I get a pat on the head and a “You’d regret it if you did.”
Oh, DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD A DIRECT LINE TO MY BRAIN.

On the flip side, as a vagina-having person who had her tubes tied at the age of 26 (after having 4 children, however):
MY HUSBAND HAD TO SIGN A CONSENT FORM IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE THE PROCEDURE DONE.
How many times have we heard stories about husbands having vasectomies behind their wives backs and never telling them, letting those wives wallow in guilt and misery, thinking it’s their fault that they can’t get pregnant?
And yet I had had to get my husband’s permission to have my tubes tied.
(Obviously this was a decision we’d talked about extensively beforehand, so it’s not like he was about to say no, but we both couldn’t believe the fucking audacity of the hospital, asking HIS permission for ME to do something with MY body.  In fact, he said as much to the nurse that brought in the forms.)

This is fucked up. Your body is no one’s business but your own. Even if there’s no law against young sterilization, women still suffer just from societal expectations, which influence doctors who are unable to be objective. People think they’re being caring but are actually just afraid of anything that goes outside of their preconceived notions of what people should do with their lives. 

lindseywalnut:

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spinachandrice:

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fawnthefeminist:

Young women are having difficulty accessing tubal ligation, despite it being a relatively safe (death rate is 1-2 per 100,000) and elective surgery.

There is a waiting period of 30 days for women seeking tubal ligation, yet no waiting period for men seeking vasectomies. 

(Source)

Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions (“What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?”), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, ”just because I was a woman, I’d reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought.” (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman’s 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)

(Source)

Say that at 18 I slap down enough money so I could have my whole body covered head-to-toe in tattoos, piercings all over myself, a mountain of cigarettes, plastic surgery, and plan to have like 20 babies… but if I try at all to safely make it impossible for me to breed for the sake of my health suddenly its like WOAH THERE SLOW DOWN MISSY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF COMMITMENT YET

I have stage III Endometriosis, which means I have to get my uterus removed because I literally have terrible cramps ALL THE TIME and not just when I’m on my period. Now, I’ve always said I don’t want any children for personal reasons and I don’t need my uterus, really. I am not worried about that surgery and I don’t feel any kind of nostalgia over an organ I won’t ever use. 

The thing is, my doctor is a ‘man’. This ‘man’ told me I had to get pregnant right now before it’s too late. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and explained the multiple reasons but what, do you ask, did my doctor have to say about this? 'Well, better have a kid now because just imagine how depressing it must be being a thirty-something woman without children and a husband?'

I was diagnosed a year ago. I should have gone through surgery six months ago and I still can’t find a doctor that will perform the surgery without trying to force me to have children first. Basically, if you’re a woman you don’t have a say in what can and cannot be done to your body without a shitload of people getting in the way AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Women are getting non-consensually sterilized in prison but no doctors in my area while tie my tubes at 24 because I might regret it? Fuck you, doctors. I have more purpose in life than dropping babies. Some of those women in prison are probably great moms and I have no interest in parenting. Let us have a say!

A dear friend of mine wanted to have her tubes tied.  She was about to give birth to twins and the doctors wouldn’t consent because she wasn’t 21 yet.  She had already had children and they still refused to let her have the procedure.

My friend got a vasectomy a week after asking his doctor for one, no problem. He was 25.

Me? I’ve asked 4 different doctors for some kind of permanent sterilisation—tubal ligation or Essure or whatever—and I get a pat on the head and a “You’d regret it if you did.”

Oh, DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD A DIRECT LINE TO MY BRAIN.

On the flip side, as a vagina-having person who had her tubes tied at the age of 26 (after having 4 children, however):

MY HUSBAND HAD TO SIGN A CONSENT FORM IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE THE PROCEDURE DONE.

How many times have we heard stories about husbands having vasectomies behind their wives backs and never telling them, letting those wives wallow in guilt and misery, thinking it’s their fault that they can’t get pregnant?

And yet I had had to get my husband’s permission to have my tubes tied.

(Obviously this was a decision we’d talked about extensively beforehand, so it’s not like he was about to say no, but we both couldn’t believe the fucking audacity of the hospital, asking HIS permission for ME to do something with MY body.  In fact, he said as much to the nurse that brought in the forms.)

This is fucked up. Your body is no one’s business but your own. Even if there’s no law against young sterilization, women still suffer just from societal expectations, which influence doctors who are unable to be objective. People think they’re being caring but are actually just afraid of anything that goes outside of their preconceived notions of what people should do with their lives.